Thank you, Jesus

My second thank you letter in my 365 Thank You Letters project.

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My dear, sweet, loving Jesus,

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How very special you are to me! I can never thank you enough for always being close by, guiding me, along with our Father’s help. Thank y’all for the employment of God’s many angels, for all our many blessings and most of all, for saving me from my sins so that I can be with you and my family in heaven one day, hopefully far, far from now. No offense. I surely will be so very happy to see you again. I just want to be around on the earth for a while so I can spend more time with my two favorite girls, witness my daughter graduate high school, then college, then her marrying the right guy, my playing ‘Nonnie’ (otherwise known as grandma) to my grandbabe(s), witness my mom turning a happy and healthy 110+, and witness so many more blessings.

Thank you for showing up at all the right times when I needed you most. I know that was you. I felt you sit on the edge of my bed and soothe the pain in my soul. You lulled me to sleep that night. Thank you for getting me out of all those bad decisions and almost bad decisions, for loving me in spite of my many weaknesses and stupidity and anger and meanness. Thank you for your forgiveness and for going to our Father on my behalf.

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When I think of what all you went through for me (for all of us), I can’t help but cry, sweet Jesus. To go through so much torture, cruelty and torment, it physically hurts my heart and body. I wish it could have gone a different way. I wish you could have saved us from our sins without going through such pain and suffering. But you did do it. And you did it for us. Because you love us. Because you’re strong and brave and your love has more courage, strength and power than any physical abuse you could have ever experienced. I know you are healed and feel no physical pain now, but my heart still aches when I think of those six hours you spent on the cross and the torture leading up to that.

Please forgive me for my sins. Please wash me as white as snow. Wash those sins away and renew me in you, sweet Brother. I belong to you and to our Father and I always will. Please help me to be more like you, fill me with your love and compassion and friendship and kindness so that I, too, can spread that love and goodness like you did and still do. Help me to be courageous and strong in spirit. Help me to have confidence so that I can do whatever it is you and our Father wish for me to do. And fill me with your strongest faith, Jesus. You are my truest hero and I will never love anyone as much as I so deeply and truly love you!!! Thank God and YOU for your beautiful soul!!

Love forever and ever till the end of time (if there is such a thing),

Carol

 

Images courtesy of http://www.akiane.com/ and photobucket.com

Living the Adventure to Completion

boots

Buried deep within the caves

The recesses of my mind

Taken there by worn tired weathered leather

And antique sheets wrapped with twine

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Past the echoes and whispers

Through the dark twisted figures

Evermore deeper still toward the dark

Torment and fear churn and shiver

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Not turning to whence I came

Facing the struggle and climb

Promise beckoning me adventure on

Completing the trek is mine

the end

 

365 Thank You Letters – Day One

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(WARNING:  A couple of expletives are in this post, so beware… – I’m just bein’ real, people)

Call me crazy. I had an idea last night and thought oh, what a lovely idea to thank different people throughout my life who have helped me in some way (whether directly or indirectly), and post a thank you on my blog, so maybe they’ll see it, maybe they won’t, but I’m putting the energy and positive vibes out there so the thank you is out in the universe. And, if nothing else, it might help you to accept some things that are seemingly negative that have transpired in your life and maybe this will help you see it in a different light, because I believe everything does happen for a reason. I mean, of course, I cannot make sense out of a lot of things, which I won’t even bring up, because I don’t want to get depressed, nor get you down, so…

On with it.  Day One of my 365 Thank You Letters (via blog).

By the way, this is in no certain order of importance. One person is not more important than another, except everyone knows Mama and Hallie are my number 2 people in life.

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Dear Sweet Beloved Heavenly Father (some of you may know him as God),

Hi. It’s me again. I’m sure you know me well from the many times per day I chat it up with you. I can imagine your eyes rolling from the many times I bug you about some of the stupidest, unimportant things I talk about. Or maybe you gently smile, just being happy to hear from me. I’m sure you’re not always happy, because you know this girl can go off and I always seem to direct my anger at you. Sorry about that. Again. Really, really sorry. You know I have anger issues. I’m trying to work on it. But it doesn’t take much sometimes to set me off. You don’t deserve the stuff I say. Again, sorry. Please forgive me. I’ll try to improve.

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I also want to thank you again. For everything. Yes, even the bad stuff. Maybe it seems like bad stuff at the time but sometimes, even years later, it turns out to be a good thing. Like the break up with him, and him, and him, and all those hims. Thank. You. God!!  I am sooooo blessed not to be with those guys anymore. Thank you for the friends I no longer have, too, because I realized what crappy friends they were. Self-serving, never encouraging, never supportive – just neglectful, selfish, angrier people than me. And that’s saying something. So thank you for even the bad stuff.

It seems when something negative is going on, my mind plays tricks on me and for some reason, I think everything is shit in my life, like all I have is bad, bad, bad, and I can’t focus on anything good. I’m really sorry about that. It’s only when I’m angry or depressed but I know my mind is being tricked, because it’s simply untrue. I have more good in my life than bad. I can’t say it’s always been that way (my life was pretty crappy before Hallie was born), but I certainly feel my life is better now than it ever was before. I have so many blessings, I cannot even count them all. No, we don’t have a ton of money and can’t afford to buy a newer car, but I can afford to put food on the table, clothes on our backs and our cars are running.That’s what’s important. And more importantly, we have each other. My girls and I are close, best friends, hang out often with each other and laugh and dance and sing and have such a great time together, we have homes, we have land, we have furbabies, we are healthy, have jobs and a good school, Hallie has a couple of sweet, good quality friends who care about her, and it doesn’t have to get better than that.

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I won’t take up much of your time. I know there are peeps out there who need you more than I do right now. And I know you can do everything and be everywhere at once, but honestly, I’ll cut you a break and let you tend to more important events that need your strong attention. And with that, I’d like to pray for all those lost souls who desperately need you. They are full of hate, anger, piss and venom and there’s probably nothing anyone can say to give them peace. You know they struggle. You know the reasons. I know you love them. Be there for them, Father. Help them. Ease their pain and suffering. Give them comfort. Help their hearts feel love and joy and to know laughter and happiness. And hope and faith. Let them know there is hope. Let your angels whisper in their ears like they do in mine. I used to be that lost soul, Father, as you well remember. I know we are all weak. We all fall. And I pray we all come back to you before all our hope is lost.

praying

Thank you for listening to me ramblin’ and for loving us and taking such good care of us and for your forgiveness, for the good stuff, the bad and the ugly, because it all helps build our character. I mean, I’m still here, even after I didn’t want to be here anymore. I am. And again, I ask you to use me as you have before. Use me however you wish. I belong to you forever. Even when sometimes I may not act like it, because I get pissed off for 20 minutes or an hour. I always come back, stumbling over my stupidity, but I come back. Thank you for having me, for never turning your back, even though sometimes I accused you of doing just that. I realize, at times, you have to feel a million miles away. I do know you have good reasons. I’m sure part of it is to test my faith. Wow, you’re really good at that. Seems I’m tested daily. Well, some weeks are better than others. Thank you for the good weeks. And I guess thanks for the bad ones, too, because they make me grow in different ways, building strength. I’m still here, so maybe I’m doing something right.

Anywho, I’ll close for now. You go help those peeps who need your shoulder, your ear, your gentle but firm hand. And most of all, your love.

kisses

I love you, Daddy. Thank you for always being the true Daddy I needed.

Love always and forever,

Carol

Finding that Monday Mojo

coffee yes

Who needs some motivation for the week?  Monday is a good day for that, no? We can call it Monday Motivation or Motivation Monday or Finding your Monday Mojo. Kind o’ like our Thankful Thursday when I actually do it.

So, what are y’all working on right now? I know most of us here are creatives – artists/writers/poets/knitters/chefs/photographers, etc. What’s your big action plan for the week?

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(In all fairness, this is not quite MY to do list. I write YA mostly, so mine is more like “3. almost kiss; 4. send someone to prison in an alternate dimension” and the rest is pretty close to right.)

I was actually going to work on my YA fantasy series and have a bit, but crazy inspiration grabbed a hold of me yesterday and I started a work of nonfiction (AGAIN!) – sort of a book of inspiration for creative types.

As an artist, do you feel you are constantly fighting resistance?  I know I am. I mean, even as I was working on the new book yesterday, I felt it was a form of resistance. As writers, we always get a new brilliant idea for a story or we have a dream and get up at 2am to jot it down and then we work on it feverishly, but those are all forms of resistance, right? It pulls us away from what we’re supposed to be focused on – our main wip (work-in-progress or work-in-potential or work-in-pain). Does that happen to you, too? I don’t want to let a wild hair of inspiration escape me, so I have to write it down but then I continue this writing frenzy on that same thing and push my main one off to the side. Again. It seems I always let something come in between me and my main work.

self

What is this fear I have? I do not understand why I cannot reach some middle ground of self-acceptance and believe that I’m good enough, that I’m enough, period. I do actually realize we each hold our own amount of brilliance – genius, even. We each are allotted a deep well of invention and talent. We need to own it. We each have our own voice, our own stories to share that no one else has or that no one can tell it the way we can. We have our own special sauce. I know this. I know how important it is for us to share our words and ideas and stories with the world. But it always happens. I get close to the end and I start overthinking. I get overwhelmed and scared and stop working on my love. Actually, I tend to overthink everything. It’s my strongest weakness. ESPECIALLY when it comes to my writing.

Well, yeah, if I’m gonna be honest, pretty much everything. I overthink it all.

How can we overcome this? How can we fight the resistance? How can be believe that we are enough? That we are good enough?

I don’t know about you, but I ask myself stuff all the time. They say if you talk to yourself, you’re crazy. Well, then ya might as well commit me, because I talk to myself, I converse with my imaginary friends (characters in my stories), I question myself, I answer myself. I laugh at myself. I must be pretty weird, huh? Actually, I can come up with some pretty amazing answers to my own questions at times.

Self-talk, I think, is a great tool, if we use it as a tool and quit worrying if we’re crazy or not. We can come up with great solutions to our problems, other people’s problems, the crisis we are in the midst of with our characters. I mean, who needs therapy when you have yourself?! And your imaginary friends?! Ok, maybe it does sound a little wacky, but who cares.

I know you do it, too. I know you read your stuff out loud as if someone is sitting there listening to you. But it’s just you. You and your wine and your words and your box of Kleenex, because what you wrote is so freakin’ amazing, it made you cry. I hear ya, man. I feel ya. I do it, too.

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But I have a challenge for you. If we read our own stuff and see that it’s so dang good, gosh-darn-it, then we need to actually finish the story, or at least that first book in the series of the story. And be able to reach that finish line for Book 1 or __________ (whatever you’re working on) and be able to scream from the rooftops, “I finished it!!!!”  “Yea, me!!  I did it!!!”  Can you imagine how good that feels?!

Okay, so (1) we can be accountable to each other and check in once in a while and see how we’re each doing, making sure we are actually making progress, (2) we can try to focus, like yeah, go ahead and spend an hour or two jotting enough info down about that wild hair of an idea or dream for a book or story and then get back to our main work, and (3) believe in ourselves that we are great, we got this, we are good enough and we deserve, NO, we OWE it to ourselves and the world to share our stories with those out there who will be better for having read our words!

I mean, honestly, how did your life change with certain books you’ve read?! Honestly?! Wonderful, amazing stories, right?! Your life would be so empty without some of these stories that have fueled your inspiration and imagination! We will be among those greats. All we have to do is finish and get it out there. I’m game if you are. What say you?

What’s your plan?

Featured Bloggers 1/14/16: Networking 101

There are some pretty cool blogs on here! Thanks Danny!

Foolproof Method For Finishing Your Novel

scientist

Sit. Yo. Ass. Down. And. Write.

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Moving the Life Class Experiments

moving

Haven’t had much participation on WordPress with the new Life Class Experiments, so I’ll just be keeping them over at Instagram and my Facebook Writer Page.  Just easier and faster.

Of course, I’ll be posting other stuff here from time to time.  Just moving the daily Life Class Experiment that I started a couple of days ago.

The New Experiment & Day 2 Assignment

waving

Top o’ the marnin’ to ya!  I trust you are ready for the weekend, yes?  YAAAS!!  Have a most enjoyable Friday.  Now, on to the assignments for this new thingy…

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So how’d ya do with yesterday’s assignment?  Did you embrace your inner child?  This is actually something we should practice every single day.  First, we have to remember we have that inner child that needs love from ourselves. That inner child needs hugging, smooching, dance with her/him, tell the inner child you love her/him, do fun things that you used to love as a child – play, laugh, sing, bake cookies, read your favorite book, frolic in the rain, jump in the water puddles, fix hot cocoa with marshmallows – reengage with that playful and fun side of yourself and remember how important it is to love yourself.  Do it daily, for at least 10 minutes to start becoming reacquainted if you haven’t met up in a while.  Doctor’s orders.

rain

How’d I do with the assignment? Well, I’m a kid at heart, so I’m always a bit of a goofball, silly, playful and childlike, but even I get down on myself, beat myself up, tear myself down, get depressed and then I drink a rather large glass of wine and it’s all better!  No, really…  We all lose our childlike selves at different times but it’s so important to love yourself and I’m finally learning to after all these years. Maybe I did love myself, even though I found myself to be unloveable for most of my life. I do love myself and I pretty much act giddy every day. I laugh daily, I treat myself to that hot cocoa and dance with my kiddo in the kitchen, singing loudly and off key.  Plus I laugh at my kid – she’s hysterical! And my mother next door! The 3 of us go out every weekend to eat out and get groceries together and that chick (Mama) is always dancing in the seat in the restaurant and down the aisles! She’s a nut.  It’s always a fun day with either/both my girls.

dancing

Although I can be a nagging mom. Comes with the territory when you have a teenager, right?

How’d ya do with the scolding? Did you lay off scolding yourself and your loved ones? It’s hard to do, how well I know. I’m sure I nag quite often – just look at Hallie’s eyes roll every time I say something – that proves it, right? I have to be honest here. I have a bad habit of beating myself up for not doing this, not doing that, not making time for that thing, my house is a wreck, I need to scrub that stovetop, I need to mop the laundryroom, I need to quit eating everything in sight and get my bootie on that treadmill, I need to take my dogs running (and then the rain starts). When it rains, it pours. It’s always something, and I scold myself for every little thing that I don’t do, instead of praising my accomplishments each day. I will try to do better with this one.  It needs some work.  And quite possibly I will be bringing this one back up on a later day – praising our accomplishments.

So chime in, if you like, and share how you did with yesterday’s assignment so I can cheer you on, clap my hands, scream hoo-ra (Whoot! Whoot!), or console you and tell you that you’ll do better today, and send you air hugs either way!  ’cause I loves you, sweet babies!!!!

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Today’s assignment was an A-HAAAA! Moment I received from my sweet soul sista Allison Marie over at Glory Begin. She always carries and sends out those positive, creative, loving vibes and I cannot get enough of her empowering, uplifting, right-on! words that always hit the spot and always seem to be just what I need to hear that day.  I got this idea from one of her latest posts.

Assignment:

Write one true thing that is truer than true for you
I can promise that this is most helpful to do
Healing and enlightenment may certainly ensue
Share, but only if you like, with the rest of the crew

Sorry, inspiration spurred inside me and I couldn’t help my silly self.

My true statement for this moment, and I guess I don’t mind sharing (UGH!), or maybe it is a little difficult to share, because I don’t like to show my vulnerability (we all wear masks, don’t we?) but I’ll do it anyway…

I write because I love to write (it’s my escape from the world) but I’m always too fearful to finish the story, even when I’m close to the end, because somehow (1) it’s too final – even if there’s another book in the series – and (2) I feel it should be shared but I feel it’ll never be good enough to share.  Ultimately… I don’t feel like I’ll ever be good enough.

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Okay, there, I said it. I mean, I feel I’m awesome at times, with my writing, and with my spirit, and with my parenting (sometimes), but we all self-criticize, don’t we?  Sometimes, I’ll read a bit of what I wrote and I’ll cry or I’ll have belly cramps from the laughter, or I’ll be moved and think, ‘I wrote that?!  Me???!!’, so those are times when I find my writing is awesome, so see, I’m not completely down on myself all the time.

Share, won’t ya?

Oh, and Ian Somerhalder waving at the top?  You’re welcome.

Update on my Crazy and a New Experiment

humanity

Okay, so, I may have told you that I put the whole video thing on hold to focus more on my book.  God has seen fit to get me a message that I need to do the book thing daily while also continuing the video project (just not every week) whenever I have a sweet interested soul that wishes to be interviewed.  So, I am guessing He will help me work all this out with managing my time on everything.  I’m cool with that.  It will be quite the job but I reckon I can handle it.  So, the video project is back on and you’ll be hearing an update when the next video is loaded.  For now, I’ll just post the latest and let you know that the upcoming video will have a MUCH shorter intro.

 

A new experiment:

I started this on my Instagram page but also placed it on my Facebook Writer page, Twitter and Tumblr.  Thought I share it with you, too, if ya wanna play.

So I am wanting to do a little experiment and wanted to know if you might be interested. Not sure if I should host this on my writer page or MeaningOfLifeInitiative page since that is solely based on humanity, so you can give me your input on that, if you like.

Experiment: Sort of a daily life class – a different assignment every day.

Today’s: Show yourself love. When you love others, you must love yourself first. Embrace your inner child. Go at least one day without scolding yourself as well as everyone else.

If you’d like to share how you did with this, I know we’d love to hear from you!! #project365 #365 #write #writer #writing #amwriting #wip #passion2016 #bookstagram #love #passion #peace #peaceful #happy #happiness #humanity #experiment #nevergiveup #tool #wakeup Good Thursday

 

So, that’s it for the day. Just checking in, sharing, connecting.  Let me know if ya wanna play. I suppose I’ll be needing to get on here every day now, if only to do our daily life class – if I get any involvement/engagement.  So shout out if you’re interested and I’ll start making time daily to connect.

 

Oh, and it’s Thankful Thursday!  Today, I’m thankful for YOU!!  And for LOVE!!  And for FAMILY!!!  The list is endless, really, but I know ya ain’t got all day…  😉

Love you!!!  Big bear hug!!!  xoxo

-Carol